The springtime winds have been tearing up the surf here in SF. I got a great session in Sunday night with my girls, but everything else has been marginal at best. So, B and I headed south to good ole Capitola to get some proper surf in this morning. We zoomed down there, making great time in just an hour and fifteen minutes. We checked the Hook and it was clean and a little crowded, then we checked the Point and it was clean and less crowded with more options. I'll admit, I'd have opted for getting in at the Hook and surfing Shark's or Privates, both of which were empty and offer up a wave that is a bit more protected from swell (read: smaller) and more my speed. Sometimes, when surfing with B, I have to put on my big girl pants and get into the bigger stuff.
What can I say? I'm a wuss. There was some size (for me) today. Sets were averaging head high and every now and then an overhead wave would slam through. Now it's not that being out in surf like that makes me uncomfortable, especially at a nice organized point break, it's riding waves that size that make me uncomfortable. I psych myself out. Over and over and over I found myself peering over the ledge of a perfect wave and pulling back. According to B, these waves were slow rollers, but sometimes I think he's full of shit and a slow roller is just his opinion of any wave that isn't a hollow beachbreak wave. Often I can get over myself enough to catch a couple or like today I can clam up and sit in the lineup like a buoy and then finally paddle inside to catch a few smaller shoulders before calling it a day. I still enjoy myself. It was beautiful out. The talent in Santa Cruz can be breathtaking to watch, so I never leave a session there feeling like I wasted my time. That also raises the intimidation factor.
It's the next step. It has to be. I have to get over this fear-don't I? I do pretty well in the smaller stuff, but I am getting this extreme desire to be able to get out of my comfort zone and get better in better waves. Surfing just can't be about being good at what I'm used to, because it's been such a darn process to get where I am now. I want to keep improving and pushing myself. Both in the waves I'm riding and the boards too. Sometimes surfing is a little too much like life-getting somewhere good is always a process. Staying there is even harder.

I read a post on niceness a few weeks back about some of the personal costs of surfing. The one that stuck with me the most was stalled career. Don't get me wrong, injuries, relationship tension... it all comes with the territory, but my slow moving career feels prominent in my mind. It isn't that surfing has gotten in the way of my work. It's that it has taken over some of the "thing I am most passionate about" space. Before surfing I was photography obsessed. I still am, but now that obsessive side focuses on two passions instead of one. Sometimes they meld together. Surf photography is inspiring for sure. But I'll admit, after a long day of work, sometimes I'd rather think about surfing then what my next project or career inspired move should be. When I've been working a lot I don't dream about cranking a new portfolio out, I dream about sitting in the ocean with a board between my legs somewhere beautiful. It's a dilemma, and one I am still learning to balance. It comes down to time management and staying focused on what is important to me overall. Maintaining my freedom and happiness is number 1, my career comes close behind that, and my relationship as well. I guess I just need the motivation, the disipline to keep coming. I've been working like a dog lately, and not having the time to focus on my own photography and it's a bummer. But for some reason I still end up spending my weekends relaxing instead of being super productive. I'm sure that like the way things always go, I'll find what I'm looking for if I just keep looking, keep trying. I guess I can be thankful I have the persistance it takes to do both of these things. I just have to remember to rely on that.

Surf has been marginal the last few days. I got out on Friday-it was lumpy and bumpy and almost blown out. I managed to catch a couple and get my fill. I surfed the longboard at Bolinas with J on Saturday. I figured it was the place to be-as it was big and windy everywhere else, and there was that touch of south swell that would give it a little more size than usual. I was wrong. It was cold, and the tide was too low. There was no push. Regardless I was in the water for almost three hours. When it finally filled in with some good sets I was freezing and sloppy. I managed to catch a couple good ones though. I paddled into what felt like my best wave that day, hopped to my feet and something happened. I biffed it. Right over the face. I think I cursed out loud on my way down. I wasn't wearing a leash so my board was slammed in to shore and I had to swim the fifty yards back in. It was annoying but a nice reminder of what swimming in ocean feels like.
First sunset session of the season tonight. We'll sort of, considering the fog is too thick to even see the sun.

I haven't been surfing enough. I've been working a lot. It's ok, I'm stoked to be getting the work and happy to bring in the cash flow. I got out Friday and had a pretty good session of high tide 4 footers at LM. Nothing to write home about. On Saturday I got skunked. Onshore winds at 10knots at 10:00am! WTF? Then at 9 am on Sunday! Yuck. Anyways, today's work entailed scouting for a photoshoot on Wednesday down on the Big Sur Coast. The job is for the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Swwweeeet. I love Big Sur. This photo was taken in Big Sur on a huge south swell in September of '05. It was gorgeous and conditions were too. Being down there reminded me of how much I love that place. It is one of the most amazing stretches of coastline I have ever seen. So I'm on it. April camping: Big Sur.

Small town. Small waves. Hot sun. Day off.

If you haven't seen this movie you should. One of my top 3 for sure.

Today I wanted adventure. A change maybe. Something to get me out of my comfort zone. It didn't really work, but the idea was in the right place. K and I headed to Lindy. It was small and packed. Really packed. I'm not sure what I expected. Yesterday had been a similar story but less so. It was a hot spring day. We got a two and a half hour session in. Waves were small and lacking push, but the glide was there, you just had to find it. We found a little pocket down in the cove at boatdocks. It was fun for about an hour. After that a day of surf shop tours and an ice cream hit the spot.

For most of my life I pushed the envelope. In high school I went beyond the average rebellion and got myself in quite a few sticky situations. When I was 21 I found myself spending a summer detoxing in the rural town of Coos Bay, Oregon. It helped, but sometimes I think maybe what really changed me was my car accident. Either way, the only way I live dangerously anymore is through surfing, and even then I usually play it safe. Mostly I just surf because it's all I can do to stay sane.

So sometimes, a crowded, three foot LM just doesn't cut it. I have to play with the idea of being somewhere new. Somewhere different, exotic, or next door--Montara, Grey Whale Cove,Ocean Beach? All are ominous, eerie surf spots with lots of beach, lots of deep water and open ocean access, and often, really heavy good surf. Too heavy for me usually, but I long to get out there. I coerced K to check out all of the above and both times as we peered out over the cliff, I knew we wouldn't be paddling out. When we got to OB it was worth the effort. Head high lefts and rights were rolling in and winds were light and offshore. It was clean, and mellow--looking.
OB is never mellow. I forgot. The waves were a little on the weak side, but the currents there suck. Down the beach that is. In 5 minutes of paddling we ended up 50 yards down from where we went in. Already feeling fatigued I looked at K and we agreed, we weren't in the mood for this kind of paddle out.We headed back to LM in our soggy suits and had a quick session that provided a much needed longboard test drive for Kim. I just got a stomach ache.
The OB failure didn't kill that need though. I want the fire on the beach-hike in to the spot thing soon. I'm getting hungry for it. Spring is here, camping season is back. Maybe a Big Sur trip is in order. Maybe an Oregon surf safari. Maybe just a change.

What a long work week. Four ten hour days will drag. I was drooling to get in the water this morning. Somehow I managed to get out of bed at 5:30am. The waves were marginal. Surfable, yes. Good, no. It was fun nonetheless. K got a bunch of mushies, I got a couple myself. It seemed to be cleaning up, but I was getting cold and K had to get to work. It was great to hang out, splash around, get some exercise.
We started chatting about our long journey down the surf road. When K and I started surfing together we used to spend the entirety of our sessions in the whitewash. We'd sit on the inside and take off after the wave had broken. We'd practice standing up over and over and over. It was slow process and we were lucky to find each other, because neither of us had any real surf buddies. K had a pompous surfer boyfriend who was (is) a great surfer, but a bad teacher--he'd leave her on the inside to fend for herself at overhead 41st. I had a couple surf lessons under my belt. Other than that, we were on our own. Somehow we found each other at the exact right time. We were equally (not) skilled, equally determined, and with equally free schedules. We joked this morning about the awful conditions we'd paddle out in. I remember judging the waves based on how much rideable slop there was. We'd talk each other into being brave enough to paddle to the outside. Maybe it slowed us down...not pushing each other more...who knows? I think about how much faster others who we've taught have learned. Having the guidance and security of surfer friends makes learning easier. Nonetheless, I wouldn't trade the hard work and fun times we had for any of that. It's great to be here now. It's great to see K drop in, do a turn, and race down the line. It's almost like I earned it with her. I'm sure at times, doing even that seemed like an impossible endeavor. But here we are.
Cheers to surfing in slop, Surflies forcing us to figure it out, and long drives made short by good conversation .