Spent the day at Bolinas on Sunday. The waves were far from stellar. They pretty much sucked. But, getting to the beach with my friends was both a sigh of relief and a way to distract me from the nightmare of the day before. To avoid the messy details, I'll just say that times are not easy. It's ok though. New opportunities and people have a way of presenting themselves at the most crucial of times and even if they end up being nothing more than just a story to laugh about later, it's great that life has a way of taking care of things when you let it.

My cat came back from the hospital after emergency kidney surgery yesterday. He's pretty pathetic. I have to give him fluids from an IV bag, he's wearing a big plastic collar, and life is just a struggle for him. We can relate. He woke up every two hours, tossing and turning and needing to be taken to use the bathroom. As much as it ruined my sleep and felt difficult and hard to watch him suffer, the love I have for him and the appreciation I have for his presence in my life made it all worth while. I guess that's how parents feel.

I know this post isn't really about surfing. It's funny, I would have thought that surfing would be my savior these days. While I love it and it gives me the calm I need while I am doing it, right now it's just a piece of the path through time. There are so many other things that feel as right to me as surfing does...dancing at the bluegrass show with a random guy I'll never see again, laughing with my girlfriends on the back porch, printing beautiful photos to hang in whatever new home I make, working in the garden in my backyard, eating the vegetables that grow and even allowing my sadness to rise up around me and fall away.

Sometimes, the big nasty sets just come along and slam into a perfectly positioned lineup. Whether or not you saw it coming or spent the whole session fearing it, doesn't make it any less uncomfortable.

Even if the surf has been disappointing here in the bay area, there are always waves to be had elsewhere. Matt catching a meaty left. Fun times.

I did some work in the garden today. As the day got later and later, the sun started to fall behind the buildings in Oakland, and I took these pictures. It's amazing how things grow, and how, just like waves, they get stronger and come to fruition as time moves on and pushes life through them.
K and I surfed Santa Cruz on Tuesday. It was a gorgeous day, and the waves were peeling in long lines off of Pleasure Point. It was a good session, a lot of great rides, and a lot of laughter and smiles. Exactly what I needed. I felt appreciative of the world I take with me when I'm in the water and the world I get to leave behind.
Sometimes when I surf with my friends I end up staying out for a while after everyone goes in. I guess I do it because I haven't caught enough great ones to feel full yet, or often it's just because something tells me I'm not quite done yet, and getting out would be premature and probably feel that way afterwards. Surfing has helped me learn to deal with disappointment better. The waves don't answer for me. Sometimes they aren't what I think they are when I take off, or I'm not who I want to be when I'm up and riding. The latter is the most frustrating and often humiliating. The reason I keep surfing is not because every wave or every session is right...more often than not it's a struggle. I keep surfing because of the fleeting seconds I spend where it all lines up, and sycronicity happens. I glide down the line and see the wave spread out in front of me. It can feel like watching your hopes, dreams, and failures all lay themselves out in front of you.
You just have to stay with it in order for it to keep reminding you.
Those wonderful experiences where I get to be in the moment show me that I'm exactly where I need to be, and it's worth all the struggle and the frustration and the questioning. In spite of the windy season, the crappy sessions and even the discouraging adjustment period.

Sometimes you take off on a wave and think it's a right when it's really a left. The wave pushes you the direction it chooses and you ride it anyways. Maybe you end up all the way on the beach and get an awesome ride out of it. Sometimes you end up falling down and waiting for that elusive right to come. Othertimes, you take the left and spend the whole time wishing you could have gone right like you'd hoped. Generally one feels more natural than the other. But a backside wave can be full of suprises and while it will never feel quite as comfortable as a frontside, sometimes you have to make the best of it.

Eitherway, the end result is the same.